So solo parenting, it’s hard!

So here I am. I don’t do it a lot. The most I’ve done is 4 days on my own. And when I say on my own, I have my family around me. Single parents? Hats off to you. There’s no partner/ husband/ wife/ to say; “I need to pee, hold the baby” or “please can you try settling them?” Or “I’m popping out can you watch the babe?” There’s no options. I mean there’s usually a friend, a grandma or grandpa, an auntie or uncle on hand to help. But there’s no other parent. It’s just you. Flying solo. Your usually on your own for the tough bits. For the nitty gritty bits.

I’m still totally winging it and to not have someone else there to reassure me or to check I’ve not forgotten something, it’s hard. Life is hard on your own if you ask me. Sometimes it’s nice to be on your own. Sometimes, for me, I need people. You need back up. A back up parent is good. So you can pee, you can drink a warm cup of tea, maybe even take a cheeky nap if you like. Carrying round a heavy baby is hard on your body and your mind.

Being a parent is wonderful but it’s nice to tag someone else in when you need a helping hand. I mean it’s not wrestling, but sometimes you do feel like your wrestling when your 9 month old doesn’t want their nappy changed. An extra set of hands with that giant explosive, looks like vindaloo poop, definitely doesn’t go amiss. When you’ve sat down on the sofa for the first time all day you forget your drink, the babe sleeps and your left wondering if your going to turn into dust your so dehydrated. Hands, they help. People, extra parents, their good.

So those doing it alone all the time? You’re doing an amazing job. You’re are doing the hardest job known to man, on your own. You’re a friggin superhero! I always feel a pang of “Mum guilt” when I put on those annoying pigs. A pang when I nap instead of doing stuff. A pang when we spend the day inside again. A pang when I get frustrated because, if your tired go to sleep?! (Babies are weird) A pang when I’ve got out the pouch instead of cooking myself. Sometimes the pants come all day. Sometimes they don’t come at all. But on your own everything is that little bit harder. So we all feel like a rubbish parent every now and again, but it your doing it flying solo, I think your awesome every damn day.

We are trying our best, what more can you do? We are all winging it and giving it out best shot. Whether you have an army or a imaginary friend, we are all doing our best. But when your solo, it really makes your appreciate those who are going it alone day in and day out. Definite hats off to you guys.

So when I’m trying to boss parenthood on my own, yeah sometimes, peppa comes on. Sometimes I nap. Sometimes we stay inside. Sometimes the most activity we do is singing, and playing. Sometimes the dummy has to come out even when it’s not time to sleep (woah, ca-Ray-zeee) but oh well. Arthur will survive. I don’t think peppa has subliminal messaging in it. I don’t think napping will do us any harm. I don’t think inside is always that bad; “inside good, outside badddd”. Singing and playing; it’s fun! Dummies are a wonderful invention. I can think of a few adults who could use a dummy from time to time…

So if you need a helping hand with parenting, if you need to wing it and do what you got to do to get by, oh well. I am totally somebody who is pro asking for help, pro doing what you got to do. Pro winging life, motherhood, asking to advice, taking naps, eating chocolate. Pro. All the pros.

Stay tuned for another on peeps.

Love, Kate. X

So please, remember you don’t know what I do.

So here we are. As I prepare to go back to work I’m feeling very emotional because I’m leaving my boy for 13 hours of the day. Whilst I’ve been on maternity leave I’ve often been made to feel a bit lazy for not working. For wanting to spend time with my son and build a bond, I’ve been looked at like it’s not normal, not ok.

But nobody knows what we do and nobody knows how much I love him and how much I want to spend time with him. And that’s ok. We all parent differently and you can’t know or judge what I do because your not me. If you are a parent you did what you did. I am not the same. I am me.

Here’s a few of the comments/ questions I’ve had;

1. Well you don’t do anything all day

2. See how you can feel when you actually achieve something?

3. You feel very tired when you don’t do anything

4. When are you going back to work then?

5. Don’t you get bored?

6. You’re lazy!

7. I didn’t have that luxury of not working

8. Have you moved from that spot?

9. Your so lucky he’s always asleep

10. Well, I know what it’s like to have worked hard my whole life

Let me tell you something – being a parent is hard. I don’t just sit in front of the tv whilst Arthur entertains himself, feeds himself and looks after himself. I feed him, I clean him, we play together, we eat together, I cook and make him food, we do activities, we go out together, walking, swimming, painting. Nappy changes, baths, sterilising, paddling pools, beach, ice cream, dog walking, teething, cuddles, crawling, exploring, washing, shopping.

It’s non stop. When he’s asleep, I’m usually tidying or cleaning. I quickly shower and get to go to the toilet. I cook and eat something for myself. I have a drink because I haven’t had anything in hours. Sometimes I nap. 9 months in and yeah, sometimes I still nap when my Little A naps. It helps a lot. In that short window of time I have for myself there’s often lots to do but sometimes I say – sod it, I’m too tired, nap it is. Sometimes I just lie down, sometimes I blog or reply to my messages. Does that make me lazy? I don’t think so. Within an later we’re back in the midst of it. I’ve been climbed on, sicked on and my ears hurt from baby screeching, my short nap a distant memory.

I can’t just leave Arthur whilst I go off and do some housework. I don’t get to sit back and watch a film whilst Arthur sits still for 2 hours. He doesn’t wipe his own bum, that’s on us! Words, comments, opinions, they hurt. No matter what I achieve in life, work, whatever, Arthur, looking after him, being his mother; will ALWAYS be my greatest achievement.

To have people undermine me and make me feel inadequate because I don’t want to rush back to work (and yes I know I am lucky I don’t have to go back so quickly for financial reasons) well it’s just not nice. I don’t ever feel like I haven’t done anything all day being with Arthur. I’ve kept a mini human alive all day. I’ve managed to feed him, entertain him and stay alive myself too (always a bonus). The point is, I’m so proud of being a parent to Arthur.

I know it’s too early to be thinking; “he’s kind because of how we’ve brought him up” I know that. But his personality is developing, he’s being taught language, manners, how to feed himself, how to stand, he’s learning everything. And I’m proud that I’m a part of that. I’m proud to watch him develop, to watch him grow.

Why are we so concerned with what other people are doing? If I had gone back to work with 3, 4, 6 months whatever, I’m sure I would of felt judgement for going back too soon. You can’t win. But I know something for sure; I do not want to become unwell again. I do not want to feel pure exhaustion from anxiety all day. I don’t want to feel so much pressure, so much worry that I feel like I don’t deserve to live. I do not want to see everything as a risk, everything as a possibility of causing my baby harm.

Being at work is going to be so challenging for me. I have already told Jord that if I can’t do it, if I can’t be away from Arthur for 13 hours of the day then I will have to look for something else. But that is a big maybe. I am hoping that the two days I am at work I focus on work and I enjoy it. Because I do love my job. I do miss it. I want to overcome my anxiety of leaving Arthur because I won’t be able to be by his side all day every day of his life.

But nobody gets to tell me how I parent. Because you don’t know. We shush in our sleep, I read and sing books and nursery rhymes even when he’s asleep. We tidy and clean, cook and shop with our Little A always first and foremost in our mind.

He will always come first. I know I am doing something right because we’ve made it this far. I’m trying not to let other people’s words and opinions get me down. And I know that these words do not mean to hurt but that doesn’t mean they don’t.

Stay tuned for another one peeps.

Love, Kate. X

So it’s the little things.

So here we are. Being a mother is the hardest thing I have ever done. I have found a whole new level of respect for my mum who had 7 (yes, 7) kids. She not only had 7, but she also totally bossed it on her own. She’s a superwoman and my biggest inspiration.

It may be the hardest thing but it’s also the greatest. I decided to make a list of some of the little things I love about being a Mum…

⁃ The firsts…first smile, first time Arthur grabbed a toy

⁃ The poo face gets me every time

⁃ The smile he gives me when he first wakes up in the morning

⁃ When he’s sucking his dummy and he just stares at me

⁃ How he loves singing

⁃ His smile in general

⁃ The noises he makes when he eats

⁃ How he loves bath time

⁃ Taking pictures together

⁃ Cuddles

⁃ When he’s feeding and he keeps holding on to me

⁃ Seeing him smile at his family

⁃ When he goes all shy, smiles then puts his head down

⁃ Reading stories together

⁃ How he loves mouths (not just his own, everyone’s, he’s fascinated!)

⁃ How clapping makes him blink

⁃ Dancing together

⁃ How he’s like a little hot water bottle

⁃ That crossed eyed surprise look

⁃ All the noises

⁃ Travelling, going places together, anywhere!

⁃ All the tickling!

⁃ When he farts really loudly (mature I know hehe)

⁃ On the subject of farting, when he lifts his legs really high and farts hehe

⁃ His chubby cheeks

⁃ Those tiny fingers and toes ❤️

I could go on forever. Joy will come to different people in different ways, whether your a parent or not. For me, Arthur, you are my joy. You have brought me so much love, laughter and I could not be more proud of you. Thank you for teaching me to enjoy the little things. You are my greatest achievement, now and forever.

Stay tuned for another one peeps.

Love, Kate x