So here we are. As time is pressing on I’m starting to think about going back to work and my heart is torn. Arthur is my best friend. We do everything together, go everywhere together. I can’t imagine being without him.
I’m so scared of missing anything. I’m scared we’ll lose our bond. What if he grows up to resent me because I’m not always there? It sounds ridiculous I know. But my anxiety is strong when I think about leaving him.
I don’t want to miss out on anything. But I also want to have a career. I love being a nurse and I want to move forward in that. The Mum guilt is so strong and when I think about being away from Arthur I become emotional just thinking about it.
It seems crazy doesn’t it because I know it will be good for the both of us. I know I need to be able to be away from him. I know I have to trust him with other people. But for me anxiety is like this big, foggy cloud. I can’t see it think straight, it gets in my way.
The big is when you become a parent I think you kind of forget who you were before. I genuinely don’t remember what I did in my day before Arthur?! When you have a tiny human they are everything and they always come first. You forget about yourself.
So I guess I need to figure who am I again? I’m slowly getting back into doing the things I love and it feels really good. I know now we need to look after ourselves to be able to look after our minis too. It took me a while to figure that out. Taking a little time for yourself is good. It’s needed.
Now I slowly have to think about work and the future. But I am going to continue to enjoy every single second of my time with my little man. Because time just goes so quick.
Stay tuned peeps.
Love, Kate x