So I’ve been thinking…

So here I am. So can you have it all when your a Mum? Lately I’ve been thinking about going back to work and the future. I’ve been thinking about what I’d like to do and my future ambitions. I thought about it all really. Writing a book, starting a business, going back to uni, progressing as a nurse. I’ve thought about it all. All ideas, nothing concrete.

However, whenever I think about this I then about Arthur. I think about everything I’m going to miss. I think about how I barely have any time now. I’m pretty much always with him or sleeping. Do I have the energy for anything else? Will I be able to afford childcare? Will we lose our bond? Will it affect him in later life?

I want him to have a childhood where we are there. I want to make the most of this time. It’s going so fast, I feel like if I blink too slowly he’ll be teenager! But I also want a career, I want to fulfil ambitions. I know that money is unfortunately quite important and to have money, we have to work. But how do we get the right balance?

I feel like I don’t have the energy to achieve everything I want to achieve. How do I spend time away from Arthur without feeling guilty? Even just not being there for a bottle or not helping him have a bath makes me feel guilty. I wonder if parent guilt ever goes away. I wonder if it gets easier.

I’m thinking if I want to do more I’m going to have to sleep less. At the moment I usually go to bed about 8, babies are so tiring?! Who knew someone so little could you make you so knackered. But I don’t want to look back on my life and realise I slept for most of it…

However I have dreams but my biggest dream has already come true. But surely you can have more than one dream? I guess I’m still trying to figure it all out. I wonder if anyone has it figured out. Few things I know for sure; I’m so proud to be a mother. I’m so glad I made it through PND and despite having anxiety about the future I’m also excited.

If your reading this and you have any advice I’d love to hear it. How do you find the right balance in life? Not just if your a parent but anyone. How do you make enough time for your family and to socialise? Finically how have you managed? And do you think we can achieve many things in life, realistically?

Stay tuned peeps.

Love, Kate. X

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