So here I am. Feeling a bit low these last couple of days. Combination of things; teething baby, missing my family, feeling like I’m a bit alone. But I know it’s okay to have down days because life isn’t always sunshine and happy, happy. I don’t really trust those kind of people that smile at everything and always seem so happy all the time, it’s kind of a bit annoying right? (You know the kind of people I’m talking about!)
It’s not natural to be happy every single second of every day. I remember talking to my community psychiatric nurse (CPN) in the early days of recovery and explained sometimes I feel a little bit down and I remember her face and her saying “who doesn’t?!” Just like you expect some anxiety in life, you also expect to have days when you think – “wow, I’m really not feeling today”.
There is a big difference from feeling down and being depressed. They are a world away from each other. So I know I am happy. But you can still feel down every now and again even when your happy! That’s life. Just like you can still feel moments of happiness when you have depression. I remember clinging to those moments. Desperate to remember them in the darkest times, willing myself to feel more happiness than sadness. It feels like a very long time ago. That’s how I know I’ve come a long way.
Part of my recovery plan was creating a WRAP (Wellness recovery action plan). Of course this doesn’t work for everyone and I am not trying to be a mental health professional here and teach about this. But it really helps me, just like writing helps me. I sort of know it off by heart. It’s all about writing down a plan about your mental health recovery, how to notice when your feeling a bit unwell, things you can do to help yourself and where to go if you need help.
So today, I know I’m not feeling too great so, I’m probably going to call my family, eat some chocolate, maybe get a cheeky nap in and try and get outside. I’m learning that it’s okay to spend a little bit of time away from Arthur, I still feel guilty, I think I always will. But sometimes I think – “I really don’t know what you need?!” But then somebody else takes him and they sing a different song or they hold him a different way and suddenly all is okay again.
I think sometimes he gets a bit bored of me, entertaining babies is hard! Arthur is a tough crowd! Some days he’s laughing, cuddling, always smiling, self soothing little human. Other days he’s way too cool for cuddling, fed up of my singing and doesn’t like any of my funny faces. He has down days too. But we take the good with the bad.
All the highs and all the lows. 😉
I also remember my CPN saying to me that I might feel a little bit low again after moving to Bristol and being a new place. I didn’t think I would but at the same time, I was kind of prepared for it. So now, I know what to do. I hope if your reading this and your having a bad day too you know your not alone.
You don’t have to have a plan, you could have a person or a place. Somebody or something that reminds you a bad day doesn’t last, a bad day doesn’t mean your going to feel low forever, a bad doesn’t mean your losing your happiness. That’s what I tell myself anyway.
Stay tuned for the next one guys.
Love, Kate. X