So as I sit here and type this I have no idea if anyone will read this. I don’t know much about creating a website or making a blog successful. I don’t pretend to be a good writer or super funny. But I will be honest. I will tell you the realities of motherhood, of mental health, of my life. The cliche line of “I want to help people” fits here. Whether I will or not is a different story. But I can try. So I’m still figuring this out so bare with me. My spelling and punctuation has never been great, I was classed as “borderline dyslexic” whatever that means haha. So if anyone does ever read this, please be kind. And remember I am sleep deprived Mama of a 4 month old so don’t be expecting anything to make much sense…
So I guess I should start at the beginning. The very beginning was finding out I was pregnant after not being very responsible. The classic thinking “it won’t happen to us”. (Told you I would be honest) However we now have a beautiful baby boy, so I would not go back and change a thing. I’ve always wanted children, I thought about travelling, getting a car, what career I would like, where I wanted to live, all of it was ifs and buts and changing my mind. But one thing never changed, I wanted to be a mother. It’s not for everyone and I’m not saying if your a woman that it’s a given right of passage that you want a family but for me I’ve always knew. I’ve come from a big family and family means so much to me. So when I find out I was pregnant at 23 there was a huge mix of emotions and feelings. But one was more overwhelming that the others – happy.
My pregnancy was filled with anxiety. I managed it myself and I guess I didn’t really realise this was the start of something. I would take pregnancy tests all the time, convinced something bad was going to happen, I found it hard to relax, particularly in those first 12 weeks. Although I knew taking a pregnancy test did not mean I was still pregnant with a healthy baby, I would find some comfort in seeing a positive test. I was very anxious about what I ate, eating out was very scary for me at the beginning. However as my body changed and I could see there really was a little human in there I did relax a little. The anxiety was still there but it did get better for a while. Then came the little baby movements and with that came more anxiety. I have a very active job as a nurse and it was really hard for me to keep track of our little one moving around when I was on my feet all day. Pregnancy for me was an experience. I did struggle with anxiety, but physically I was really quite well.
I sometimes stop and remember my body did an amazing thing. I grew a human for 9 months! Throughout all the anxiety, worry and the hormones I still look back over pregnancy and smile. It was up and down but it brought me the greatest gift I have ever received; our gorgeous little boy Arthur Thomas. The love I have for our tiny human is indescribable. At the happiest time of our lives also came the very saddest. I unfortunately developed post-natal depression and anxiety shortly after having our baby boy. Oh how our world changed in so many different ways. But that’s a different part of our story.
Pregnancy is an incredibly hard, amazing thing. And I am so grateful I was able to do it. If you reading this and your growing a mini human, here’s some things I want to say to you…
- Try to enjoy it as much as you can
- You can read as many baby books as humanly possible but no baby is textbook
- Enjoy eating and watching your body change, it’s doing something incredible!
- Be kind to yourself
- Take time for yourself, do what you want to do before babe comes
- Try to remember – you are an individual, every pregnancy is different, don’t be worried if you don’t look like your pregnant friend does, you are YOU. And don’t worry about what other people say about your body.
- Take what everyone else says with a pinch of salt. Everybody will give you advice, their birth stories, jokes and “you don’t know what’s going to hit you!” This your journey, no two people do things the same, advice is just that, advice. You don’t have to do it (including my advice haha) you can simply smile and say “thank you”or you can do whatever the hell you what haha.
I was I could of told myself these things. So there I was. At the beginning of our journey. Stay tuned peeps.
Love, Kate x