So everybody’s story is different. For me mine started of happy. When my beautiful baby boy came into the world, it was love at first sight. However he came into the world in quite a traumatic way. I’ve shared my birth story before on instagram but I thought I would share it here too….
So there we were. I thought I would share my birth story, for those who are pregnant just know that even when things don’t go to plan you still take one look at your baby and realise it was worth every single second. In pregnancy I read about making birth positive. We see in movies and on the telly, women screaming and wanting to kill their partner lol (That was me haha). But then the books about positive birthing explain how it doesn’t need to be like that, how it can be enjoyable. That’s what I wanted. I wanted a happy birth with minimal pain relief. Unfortunately that’s not what happened. For me Arthur’s birth was quite traumatic, and I think it was a trigger for me becoming unwell.It started with my waters breaking at around 7 in the evening, by 8 I was having contractions and was told to go in to get checked. At around 9 I was seen and I was only 2cm dilated, yep bloody 2cm lol. We were given the choice, stay at the hospital and see if things moved further along or go home and wait there. We decided to stay at the hospital for a little while to see if anything happened. So I began walking and walking. Me and Jord would literally dance together through my contractions. I had a bath which was instantly soothing. Then at around 2 we decided it was time to go home and wait it out there. We told the midwife we were going home, and she said she’d like to do one final check. I was 5cm dilated, I wasn’t going anywhere. So I got into the pool, which was amazing! By 4 I decided I needed some gas and air. Then came the screaming and the swearing lol. Those who know me will know I don’t really swear much but that night was a different story. By 6 I was 7cm dilated and in so much pain. I decided it was time to get out the pool and try a different tactic, and some more pain relief. I had to have Pethidine. I don’t really remember much but I do remember I was in a lot of pain. It was like nothing I’ve ever felt. I remember saying to Jord to kill me, he started to cry because it was really distressing for him and then I remember saying please don’t cry, I’m sorry. It was really hard. But the pethidine did help and I even dozed a little bit in between contractions.
Then at around 8, I was 10cm dilated and I felt the need to push. It was time. So I pushed and I pushed but literally nothing was happening. Arthur had his back to us and was facing the other way. This went on till around 11 when they said they would have to intervene. I was absolutely exhausted and getting nowhere. So they mentioned it would either be forceps or c-section. When they mentioned forceps I remember begging them to do anything but forceps. For me, it was my worst nightmare. Forceps are completely safe. I just couldn’t get over my fear of them. All throughout my pregnancy they were what I was afraid of. Jord tried to reassure me and calm me down. So it was off to labour ward. Me and Arthur were hooked up to monitors and I met all different professionals who decided they were going to take me to theatre and try forceps and if that didn’t work I would have to have a c-section. I was terrified. I just wanted our baby to be with us and to be safe. I remember being in the operating room and looking around seeing so many different people. It only made me more scared, I wondered, why does there need to be so many people? Jord reassured me that it was just in case, they were prepared. So they had to turn Arthur and then bring his head out with forceps. I had a spinal injection which made me completely numb from the waist down but I had to push the rest of the way. It was very strange pushing when I couldn’t feel anything. But a minute or two later and suddenly everyone cheered, he was here! And he was a he! We didn’t know what we were having so It was such a lovely surprise. I remember being so happy when they placed Arthur on my chest. He was here. He was healthy. The relief was incredible. I lost 700mls of blood and I had a third degree tear. I was mentally and physically exhausted but we were so happy. As soon as I saw Arthur it was love at first sight. The pain was very strong when the spinal injection wore off and I was absolutely exhausted. My plan had gone out the window and I felt really disappointed that it had not gone well. I felt like I had let myself down and had not been “brave enough”. Looking back now I wish I could of said to myself, Some things are out of your control! I did everything i could possibly do and I did not fail because things did not go to plan. So if your pregnant and reading this, please, remember sometimes things do not go the way you want them too. But know this, despite going through what I went through I would still do it all again. Because our Arthur is worth the world.
Some people have wonderful birth experiences, some people don’t. But needing an assisted delivery, or a c-section or having an epidural is okay. Your story will be different from everyone else’s. Your story is your story. But you might not be able to decide everything about it. Some things are out of our hands. So however your story goes, the love you feel for your little one will mean more than anything else.
So this was the beginning of Arthur’s life, and the beginning of my illness. I just didn’t know it yet. Stay tuned peeps.
Love, Kate x