Author: sohereweare

So here I am. I am 24 year old originally from the Isle of Wight, where my amazing family still live. Mother to a little man called Arthur. Partner to Jordan. Nurse, friend, daughter. After having my little man I developed post-natal depression and anxiety. It was a very dark time in my life. I wanted to start this blog as an honest telling of my story and our future adventures. My goal is to tell the reality of motherhood, mental health and everything in between. I would love to help others with my story. Even if I help one person in the whole world I will have achieved something. Here there will be posts about explosive poos, travelling with a baby, tales of sleepless nights. But there will also be very honest tales of my mental health journey, where you can go for help, and the incredible people who helped me along the way. I'll show you my family, friends and my amazing partner Jordan. It will be a little snippet into my world. Please bare with me, I've never done this before, I'm not a write and I don't pretend to be. I'm a Mama, telling our story. You are welcome to come along for the ride. So here we are. Love Kate x

So I’ve been thinking…

So here I am. So can you have it all when your a Mum? Lately I’ve been thinking about going back to work and the future. I’ve been thinking about what I’d like to do and my future ambitions. I thought about it all really. Writing a book, starting a business, going back to uni, progressing as a nurse. I’ve thought about it all. All ideas, nothing concrete.

However, whenever I think about this I then about Arthur. I think about everything I’m going to miss. I think about how I barely have any time now. I’m pretty much always with him or sleeping. Do I have the energy for anything else? Will I be able to afford childcare? Will we lose our bond? Will it affect him in later life?

I want him to have a childhood where we are there. I want to make the most of this time. It’s going so fast, I feel like if I blink too slowly he’ll be teenager! But I also want a career, I want to fulfil ambitions. I know that money is unfortunately quite important and to have money, we have to work. But how do we get the right balance?

I feel like I don’t have the energy to achieve everything I want to achieve. How do I spend time away from Arthur without feeling guilty? Even just not being there for a bottle or not helping him have a bath makes me feel guilty. I wonder if parent guilt ever goes away. I wonder if it gets easier.

I’m thinking if I want to do more I’m going to have to sleep less. At the moment I usually go to bed about 8, babies are so tiring?! Who knew someone so little could you make you so knackered. But I don’t want to look back on my life and realise I slept for most of it…

However I have dreams but my biggest dream has already come true. But surely you can have more than one dream? I guess I’m still trying to figure it all out. I wonder if anyone has it figured out. Few things I know for sure; I’m so proud to be a mother. I’m so glad I made it through PND and despite having anxiety about the future I’m also excited.

If your reading this and you have any advice I’d love to hear it. How do you find the right balance in life? Not just if your a parent but anyone. How do you make enough time for your family and to socialise? Finically how have you managed? And do you think we can achieve many things in life, realistically?

Stay tuned peeps.

Love, Kate. X

So do you ever feel like you don’t really like each other…

So here we are. So me and Jord have certainly had our ups and downs. We went through a lot together and made it through. But I still have moments when he annoys the crap out of me. When he’s snoring and I’m doing the 4am night feed and I’m so jealous he’s sleeping and I’m not. When you get into sort of “well I’ve done this and I’ve done that” kind of argument. He’s quite competitive and he always seems to compare what each of us have done.

But we still laugh together a lot. We’re very different in some ways but very similar in others. He will always put his clothes on the floor, right by the laundry basket (why?!) but he also buys me chocolate when I ask for a present from the shop. We’ll argue over how he always seems to never have enough sleep but he does let me lay on his side of the bed when I’m having a nap after keeping it warm.

Having a baby is hard, it’s exhausting, you kind of forget who you were as a couple before this little human came along. Now there’s three in the bed and you realise you haven’t kissed your partner for days. You don’t eat together very often, one of you is usually holding the babe. You snap at each other over the littlest things. But then a couple of days later you’ve completely forgotten about it. Rare sitting down and eating is more special when you do. And you’ll probably never get to finish that film you started off days ago but least you still want to watch half a film together.

Money will always be a hot topic (babies are pretty expensive) but you’ll always make it work. Even after a few arguments maybe, you’ll figure it out together. I have a new found respect, new feelings of love, pride for Jord. He’s an amazing father. I had no doubt he would be but it’s magical to actually see him with Arthur. Their my family. Their my home. I don’t remember what me and Jord were like before Arth came along but I don’t really want too.

So if your currently in the endless feeds, sleepless nights, pissing each other off stage, don’t worry, you’ll always pee each other off haha. But hopefully you’ll always laugh too. Jord still chases me round the kitchen to tickle me, although now we both get a bit out of breath a bit quicker haha. You’ll hopefully bring each other more smiles than raised voices. More love and less plotting to poison each other.

For me, I try and sleep as much as I can. But I try and let Jord rest too. Sleep helps so much. It works out well because I’m a morning person and Jord is a night owl. We make a good team (most of the time). If you find you’ve haven’t said I love you in a while, say it. Make them a cup of tea just because. Hug them. Kiss them in the morning even if they have very stinky breath (hold your nose). It’s the little things that go along way.

That’s our story.

Me and Jord are far from perfect. But we love each other, so I guess that’s something.

Stay tuned peeps.

Love, Kate. X

So I feel like I am finding myself again.

So here I am. I feel like I lost myself a little when I became a Mum. Part of that was PND and I think part of it is just becoming a parent. You forget who you are a little. Your life is all about this tiny little human. I lived in leggings and joggers. Found it hard to shower and eat. I was with my little dude, either feeding him or trying to sleep all the time.

Now we seem to be into everything a bit more. I’ve remembered what I enjoy. I feel like I can take a little bit more time to eat and to sit down every now and again. I still haven’t left Arthur for more than 1 and a half max but for me it’s still early days. He will always been my main priority forever now. He’ll always be my little boy. But I feel like I’m figuring who I am again.

I’ve found my own style. I’m getting back into exercise. Enjoying eating and cooking again. I have a horse and have done for 7 years, now I feel like I can give him some time again. Things are settling down. I’m a mum and always will be, but I’m also Kate, my own person.

It took me a long time to realise that you need to be well in yourself to look after your little one. It sounds so silly but when I first became ill I didn’t care about anything to do with myself. I’ll never forget, when I was having one of my many difficult times with feeding I was talking to someone about “fed is best”. I was trying to figure out how long I was going to be able to breastfeed for. I felt like it was slipping away from me and I just wanted what was best for Arthur. A health professional turned round a said to me – “Actually, a well Mum is best.” I’ll never forget it.

How can we look after someone else if we can’t even look after ourselves? Whatever your parenting choices are, you have to feel at ease with them in order to look after a mini human. You have to feel well in yourself. Part of that, I think, is doing things for yourself. Taking care of yourself. Mentally, physically, emotionally. I think to myself – I want to eat well and exercise because I want to be around for a long time for my son. I want to be a grandparent maybe. I want to see him graduate or travel or get married.

I think we all lose ourselves a little bit every now and again. But it feels really fun and exciting to find yourself again. I’m going to take up dancing again. Something I haven’t done in years. I haven’t gotten on my horse since finding out I was pregnant. I’m terrified. But I’m also excited. Everything feels like new again. I’m enjoying fashion and totally excited to match with Arth (yeah I’m that embarrassing parent). I’ve had my haircut and maybe, maybe not, I might put on some makeup again some day haha.

I’m totally winging everything- life, parenthood but it’s all part of the excitement!

Stay tuned peeps.

Love, Kate x

So what helps?

So here we are. I though I’d make a list about some positive things in my life that really helped me through my PND and anxiety.

I don’t think the same things always work for the same people but if I can help anyone or just give somebody something to think about, I think that is positive.

1. Eat and drink well. – so I know how easy it is when your down to not eat, to eat badly or to binge. Trust me I’ve done all three. When I was very unwell I did not want to eat or drink anything. I couldn’t face it. I had no desire to eat, no feelings of hunger. But as I started to get better I did eat. I noticed that it helped. It gave me a little bit of energy. I started to enjoy food again. I started to drink more water. I only drink one or max, two cups of tea a day. I don’t drink alcohol. This isn’t for everyone. I’ve just found when I do eat and drink well I feel better in myself. It helps my body and my mind. But believe me when I say this; I totally believe in treating yourself too! Chocolate comes from a plant so…it’s basically like eating your greens.

2. Go outside. – I didn’t want to go outside when I was very ill but every time I did I would feel better. The fresh air. The bright sky. It helps. It’s refreshing. Even if you just go to the shops for 10 minutes.

3. Exercise. – Go for a walk. Go swimming. Go dancing! Have fun. Exercise realises endorphins and helps lift your mood. Find something you like. That sport you did as a kid? Get back into it! I’m going to start dancing again, I used to when I was younger and just the thought of this gets me excited. I can’t wait.

5. Spend time with your loved ones. – If you can’t face going out to them or even them coming to you then just call them. Or text. Send pictures. Anything. Communicate. I didn’t want to speak to any of my friends or most of my family when I first became unwell. But as soon as I did I would feel a bit better. Even if it was just for a short while. Your loved ones will still make you laugh and think about every day things. They’ll take your mind off those dark thoughts and feelings of hopelessness. But they will also be there if you want to talk, if you want share how your feeling. That’s why they are amazing. That’s why you shouldn’t shut yourself off from them.

6. Go to Mother and baby groups. – (if your a new Mum) – It’s great way to get outside. To watch your little one play and interact with others. You will feel so much pride. I was terrified of this but now I really enjoy it.

7. Do something for you. – Even if it’s just watching your favourite film. Making yourself a hot chocolate with all the trimmings. Buying yourself something. Having a hot bath. Anything. Just do something for yourself. You need to take care of yourself.

8. Go to your favourite place. – Whether it’s the beach, the countryside, surrounded by animals, the city at night, your childhood home, wherever. Go there and stop and just take it in. Whenever I go to the beach I feel so calm. So peaceful. It helps everything else go away.

9. Mindfulness. – Take a little bit of time to stop and think. Bring yourself back to the moment. Try not to worry about the future. Be in the now. Take things slow and one step at a time.

10. And finally something so simple it’s silly, but it’s helped me so much; taking a deep breath. – Stopping, maybe stepping away from a difficult thought or situation and just focus on your breathing. Take deep breaths. Just breathe. I can’t tell you how many times this has helped me.

I could probably go on forever. Some more that I won’t go into too much;

Walking away

Distracting yourself

Resting

Doing what scares you

Different breathing techniques

Relaxation

Art

Listening to music

So much more! There is so much you can do for yourself. Try something, try anything. Talk to someone.

I hope this helps even if it’s just one person in the world.

Look after yourself, stay tuned peeps.

Love, Kate x

EDIT- I totally forgot something that is very important to me at the moment…

Medication. – I am currently on antidepressants and I am not ashamed to admit this. If you need medication to help you get through a tough time in your life that is okay. It doesn’t have to be forever.

So when I think about leaving Arthur…

So here we are. As time is pressing on I’m starting to think about going back to work and my heart is torn. Arthur is my best friend. We do everything together, go everywhere together. I can’t imagine being without him.

I’m so scared of missing anything. I’m scared we’ll lose our bond. What if he grows up to resent me because I’m not always there? It sounds ridiculous I know. But my anxiety is strong when I think about leaving him.

I don’t want to miss out on anything. But I also want to have a career. I love being a nurse and I want to move forward in that. The Mum guilt is so strong and when I think about being away from Arthur I become emotional just thinking about it.

It seems crazy doesn’t it because I know it will be good for the both of us. I know I need to be able to be away from him. I know I have to trust him with other people. But for me anxiety is like this big, foggy cloud. I can’t see it think straight, it gets in my way.

The big is when you become a parent I think you kind of forget who you were before. I genuinely don’t remember what I did in my day before Arthur?! When you have a tiny human they are everything and they always come first. You forget about yourself.

So I guess I need to figure who am I again? I’m slowly getting back into doing the things I love and it feels really good. I know now we need to look after ourselves to be able to look after our minis too. It took me a while to figure that out. Taking a little time for yourself is good. It’s needed.

Now I slowly have to think about work and the future. But I am going to continue to enjoy every single second of my time with my little man. Because time just goes so quick.

Stay tuned peeps.

Love, Kate x